Accountability, Forgiveness, and Looking Ahead.
Last week I was sitting in Savasana at a yoga class that I did not want to go to. Well, that's a lie, I wanted to go, deep down was craving it, but the idea of getting up and getting dressed and just GETTING to my mat was too overwhelming. But, I am so so so proud of this little win and after that amazing practice (Shout out to Rachel at Putnam Yoga) I found myself within the four corners of my mat, in a true honest state. I had been so focused on being there for others, showing up to the classes I was teaching and my students during the day, and my family, and my relationship, and my friends AND my dog - that I forgot my role in taking care of myself.
I know this sounds cliche and you have heard this a million times but it truly was a moment where I called myself out and truly admitted how out of alignment and disconnected I felt. I am at my core someone who wants to be everything for others because I love those in my life so deeply. But, at my core, I am also someone who is really good at distracting and staying busy to avoid - hey, admitting it is the first step to fixing it! So I made a promise to myself to use October to get back into it. Another little win was that I didn't continue down the shame spiral I was able to acknowledge, hold myself accountable and move forward. So I have been waking up a bit earlier and starting my morning with something - no matter how small, to work to get myself back into my routines and setting myself up.
Sidenote - I am also in middle of reading the Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod- more to come on this but HIGHLY recommend the read! So even if it is just reading my Daily Stoic, or doing 5-10 mins of slow flow to awaken my body, or taking extra time on my walk with my dog to take deep breaths outside, they all compound and I have to say the shift is undeniable. I am happier at work, connecting with difficult people doesn't activate me so easily. Once I got real with myself and truly started to be honest with myself it worked. I know the key ingredient here is that I have been Kind, Forgiving and Loving to myself. Something that in the past would have looked a hell of a lot more like Shame, Guilt and self-deprivation. I will take that win. How can you show up for yourself with a little more kindness, love and especially forgiveness at this moment?
